Okay, so I am starting over a bit here but here we go...I am just starting kayaking. The interesting part about it is that I have a rational fear of water. It is not that I cannot be in it more so that when I am initially introduced to it I freak out a bit. It is not that I thrash or anything, just that I turn white as a ghost and have a hard time regaining all my compsure. I do not lose my mind, my mind is with me the entire time, but what I does happen is that I begin to shake. Even though mentally I am completely under control and know that I am not going to drown my subconscious takes control...it makes me shake and makes me white as a ghost.

So this weekend I took a kayak out for the first time and within 5 minutes of being in it I flipped it and was exposed to the water. From the beginning you can tell what happened to me. The worst part of being exposed to water bluntly like that is when I cannot touch ground and of course I could not. I did freak out for a second but I did regain composure. I had footing but when I took hand of the kayak it knocked me off my footing and I that made me freak again a bit. I grabbed it with all my strength and with my swimming ability began to drag it to shore.

I do not know what I look like when this happens to me but I know that it must be the most dramatic face I show but as such I am determined to get over it. When the tour guide came over to me she realized quickly that I had a fear of water but I was fighting through it and she did not realize that. She thought I was not ready to do more but in reality I was.

What I figured out the rest of the way was how to control a kayak and it is not as if I were great but I did a lot and figured out a lot. I am working towards buying my own and doing it more with the end goal of getting rid of this ridiculous fear of water that I do have but until I do when I inadvertantly go into the water I will have the same inadvertant reaction to it and there is nothing I can do about that right now.

I may add more later but that is all for now...


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